Archive for August, 2010


… is the sound of a switchy girl trying to decide which way to swing. While there’s a lot to say about that, about the exhilaration of discovering my dominant side and the sweetness of helping another discover his submissive one, today I’d like to talk about something different.

You see…  it seems that flipflop is also the sound of a bewildered mind trying to find a balance after a weekend’s hot and kinky activities. For this inexperienced switchy girl at least, playing on both sides seems to lead to twice the post-low. Seems kind of unfair at first glance: shouldn’t it be so that top drop and sub drop cancel each other out, like weights on one of those old-fashioned scales…? Apparently not.

In an earlier post, I talked a little about why the dichotomy of scene-based and 24/7 is out of place for me. In other words, I play also to influence the way I interact and experience things outside scenes while conceiving the submissive self and the out-of-scene self as clearly separate. I want things done within the circle of the scene to have effects outside the circle, to seep through into the ordinary consciousness; I want the experience of being that self to bleed into “real life”. The most obvious thing for me is the softness and fragility of the submissive side: it’s important for me to be accepted for those qualities and not just in spite of them.

However, the way I play does mean that the dominant side will also bleed — that is, those experiences will not stay tidily inside the circle, out of mind until I choose to return there. Playing with a d/s dynamic as the dominant partner may be easier emotionally in the scene, in that it’s more congruent with my out-of-scene self, so that I do not need to take the terrifying/delicious leap into subspace. At the same time, the dominant role may be more difficult to deal with outside the scene, since the ways the play affects other experiences and is in turn affected by them is different. Perhaps it’s just that experiencing that dominant self can’t be separated as tidily from what passes for ordinary reality…?


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